Another Tragic Loss

Here is the sonogram of Clarke Baby #4. Here's her story...

We were told when we went in for an early sonogram that the egg was a blighted ovum (no baby ever developed) and that I would miscarry in 7-10 days. This would have been our 2nd miscarriage in 2months.

I began to feel more and more sick and wasn't miscarrying the baby. They brought me in for a repeat sonogram (this is the picture you see above) and we saw a baby with a strong heart beat. Surely, this was God giving us a miracle so we could have a healthy pregnancy after all we had been through with our loss the previous month. We went in for another sonogram at 11 weeks and our baby girl's heart had stopped beating. What a kick in the gut that was.

Because of her size at that point in time they suggested a D&C because I would have most likely needed one anyway. So, that's what we did and because of the two miscarriages so close together we thought it would be helpful to have this baby tested to see if there might be a problem with my carrying children.

We found out that this sweet girl had what it called Turner's Syndrom. It is one of the leading causes of miscarriage. It is when a girl only recieves one X chromosome rather than the normal two. These girls can sustain life but often do not. We found out quite a bit about what she would have looked like. She would have had a sheild shaped chest (wider at the top than normal), possibly a webbed neck and she would have been shorter than average, which in this family definitely would have been a noticable difference!

After learning this news there were positives and negatives. The good news...it most likely is not a problem with my body or Tom's and my genetic make up. The sad news, I wanted this little girl so much more than I had before. It was so hard to know such defining characteristics about her. I have a picture in my mind of this little girl that I can't get out of my head and I don't want to.

If she had lived she would have had some health issues but she would have lived a normal life with a normal IQ and all the "normal" things you and I do...independent living, work, marriage, etc... To know that she wouldn't have suffered made it all the harder that I couldn't have her and hold her...I would give a good many things to be able to do just that.

In any case, she isn't mine to hold, she is God's. He wanted her and she is in a much better, more peaceful place enjoying eternity in heaven. All I pray is that when I get to heaven I will see her and know her even though I never set eyes on her in this life. I believe I will.

I love you, Baby Girl.